Mars is the fourth planet away from the star Sol. It is sometimes known as the "Red Planet" because of early telescopic observations. Contrary to popular belief, there are no Martians on Mars. They all live in the small village of Knebworth, in Hertfordshire, England, United Kingdom, Northern Europe, Earth, Sol. In astronomical terms, the distance between Earth and Mars hardly merits a twelfth decimal place on the parsec scale, and so the error in saying that Martians live on a totally different planet is negligible.

Parsecs are approximately 3.26 light years. The reason for this distance can be found in the Oxford Reference Dictionary, but is far too complicated to explain here. (Okay, Okay, so I didn't really understand what they meant by "parallax" and "subtend.")

"Mars" is also a chocolate bar found on Earth. These are highly concentrated sources of carbohydrates, which are of vital importance to many carbon based life forms. Mars bars are slightly rippled with a flat underside. They are sometimes used in English courtship rituals in which the female performs various allegorical oral acts with the chocolate bar, which is donated by the male as part payment for this spectacle.