The Big Red Button is just an ordinary button, just lying around. It seems to have a purpose, or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, I'm just the narrator, I read stuff that the operators have programmed into me. Where was I? Oh yeah. Many have seen that the big red button has a purpose, well because it's lying there and all. If it's lying there then it has to do something, what does it do, what does it want. Many people have pondered what that big red button might do, and some have pushed that big red button to see what it does. Some have died pressing that red button, some have had weird stuff happened when they pressed the red button. Well I'm going to tell you this, do not press the big red button, ever. And I mean it. DON'T. PUSH. THAT. BUTTON!
Well why you shouldn't push it is an important one, I am almost stressing it at this point. 2 maybe 3 people on a journey stopped along that big red button and thought to themselves "Hey, maybe I should press that big red button. It might do something.", then they pushed it and they were... I don't know what happened, they were probably killed, or sucked into space, or both. Anyways, something happened and I ended up on earth. That's why you shouldn't push the big red button, you may experience what they've experience. You may be killed, you may be sucked, you may even be raped!!! But you'll probably reading this disregarding this as improbable, but please, make it probable so that you can survive. Or not, it's your choice. But don't say I didn't warn you.